The birds. The birds have always been free, right? You rise your right arm towards the sky as your eyes follow the small figures moving slowly through the blue sky. Stretching your fingers you imagine reaching out for the birds. A delicate smile enters your dry lips. It's so peaceful. So quiet.
To your left you see Eren dragging Mikasa into the water. She looks embarrassed but content and quickly stops struggling against him, following silently. Armin refuses to move from his spot at the waterside, shaking his head and laughing uncomfortably at his two friends. They seem happy, relaxed.
Your gaze shifts to the overly excited silhouette in front of you. Further away, where there is no broken blades on the sand, Hanji seems to be shouting something towards two other soldiers who race along the waterside. Her jumping and waving and clapping makes you compare her to a child, who was promised to receive its favourite treat just now.
Connie and Sasha's laugher reaches your ears as they both circle Hanji and run back in the direction from where they came, passing by a tall boy gazing off at the sun, whose name you don't remember.
You totter forward, turning your head to the right, your eyes met with Erwin's. He looks tired, but alive. You watch as he puts his blade into its holster. Honestly, how he manages to stand his ground with one arm... you have no idea. And before you realise it, he's at your side, smiling at you apologetically. His blue orbs gleaming with sadness.
From the corner of your eye you spot some woman - Zara was her name - shaking her head slowly. Her face awfully dark. And for a moment you wonder what's wrong. Why is she so serious. You won. You ought to be celebrating, right? Though... Now that you think of it, she is leaning over you and... while your head rests on Erwin's lap, Zara just finished checking your condition. You breathe heavily when someone squeezes your hand. |E/c| orbs shot up to your Commander's face. You smile, ignoring the stinging pain in your chest.
"Co- Commander," you breathe out. "Another success," you add weakly, even though something tells you it's not the end for them. But who exactly is "them"? You just, somehow, know that they won't include you anymore.
The calming sound of waves washing over the sandy shore mixes with laugher of your younger comrades. Eren splashes the water at Mikasa who only laughs quietly while trying to cover her face. Armin seems to be tasting the water, to see for himself if it's salty, as the books were stating. Sasha and Connie both are still racing along the waterside, though now Hanji joined the two.
You slowly allow yourself being consumed by the pain with each passing second, when a bloody cough leaves your lips, yet another shadow falls upon you.
"Commander Er..." the boy starts off with a quick salute, his fair hair tinted orange from the setting sun and before he finishes his eyes meet yours. "You've gotta be kidding me, |First|!" all courtesy forgotten. "Not when we're so fucking close! You can't just die-" eyes wide as he shouts.
"That's enough, Jean," Erwin cuts in calmly.
With all honesty, you can't help but feel like you don't really care that much anymore what they argue about now. Your breathing becomes shallow and fast. It hurts less this way. The grip on your hand tightens as you shift your gaze to Erwin once more. A pained smile is all you give him.
Jean falls to his knees next to the Commander, still not believing what he's seeing, and almost too scared now to speak again. Too scared that it's going to be him who will break, if he allows himself to talk. His fists tighten at his sides, and as he moves his eyes to the ground he refuses to look up again.
"It's over," you hear from Erwin. His voice firm yet with that unique gentleness.
Your head moves in a weak nod. Heavy eyelids covering |e/c| irises, as you allow yourself to enjoy the sensation of the wind on your skin. Another cough escapes your lips. More red liquid staining your once white buttoned up shirt. Heichou wouldn't approve, and you immediately want to chuckle at the thought.
"It's OK, |First|. It's over now," Erwin repeats. "Rest now," he adds while putting your hand on your chest.
You inhale the salty air with eyes still closed. The pain is... surprisingly less and less burdensome. Then you hear some heavy breathing coming from behind you and sand shifting under someone's feet. The small figure tosses her blades to the sides as she drops to her knees just above your head. You open your eyes slightly just to be greeted with a blond mess and huge blue eyes.
"Commander! |First|-san! I heard what-" Historia stops mid sentence as she takes in your appearance.
The girl's small hands find their way up to the sides of your tired face. Just above the blonde you see another person, it's Ymir in her casual clothes. You can feel Erwin shifting his position as he speaks up again:
"It's over," his hand now on Historia's shoulder.
You cough again, but weaker this time. Inhaling air you close your heavy eyes.
"It's not," you whisper sadly, tasting the blood on your tongue. "I'm... s-sorry," finally leaves your lips.
You feel warm drops of water on your cheek. And then Historia presses her forehead to yours muffling a sob.
"It's... okay," she speaks weakly. "We... are going to be fine," another sob escapes her lips. "Thank you! And..." now she's crying without holding back. "Please... s-say hello," her voice barely a whisper at this point, and you don't even know anymore if she ever got to finish her sentence.
The pain is no more. Warm sunrays welcome your face. It's so peaceful again. So quiet. Only the sound of wind and the waves washing over the sand give you a sense of being. But are you really here? And where would it be anyway?
"Tsk. You careless brat," says a voice from behind you.
At first you're scared to move a muscle, then, suddenly, you get almost too eager to dash towards the voice, but eventually you decide to turn around slowly. Steel blue eyes meet yours as, finally, full realisation washes over you. Holding back the incoming tears is useless. Your hands reach to your mouth as you suddenly feel dizzy and weak. All the memories of your friends disappearing one after another. Giving their lives in hopes of serving a greater purpose. Weren't you the same though? Throwing away what little kept you in the world, you went with Erwin. Trusting. Hoping. Carrying out the dreams and wills of your dear comrades. How could you just accept those laughing faces of Sasha and Connie? Why didn't Armin's blue eyes make you wonder? Have you forgotten how Ymir's blood felt on your own hands? Truth was, they were all dead. Last week it was Ymir and Rainer, both standing on the opposing side. Before that - Connie. Two weeks ago Mikasa and Eren. And Sasha alongside Armin. And Levi, because you were the stupid one, who needed to be saved, whom he wanted to save.
Taking in your surroundings you notice nothing besides the white sand and perfectly still ocean.
"Stop standing there, like the idiot you are, and move," he unfolds his arms from his chest and reaches one hand towards you.
"Heich-" the word dies out in your throat. You almost touch his hand when something stops you. You hesitate. Why? Are you scared?
"We waited long enough already, |First|. Move," he breaths out, sounding annoyed with your behaviour.
"There is no way back," he growls at you, folding his arms at his chest again.
"Levi..." your voice no more than a whisper. Tears sliding down you cheeks. Your fingers curl around your arms to stop yourself from trembling. His gaze softens as he exhales and takes in your pity form. "I'm sorry," you cry out unable to stop the tears and sobs. Your body then moves on its own, crushing your frame into his. Your sudden action takes him by surprise and he barely has time to unfold his arms which just fall to his sides.
"Tsk, I know..." his hand reaches to your hair, and as he pats your head you can't help but chuckle at this awkward and yet so familiar gesture, "you stupid brat."
"What now?" You hear yourself asking into his neck.
"Where?" You lift your head to look him in the eyes. But he doesn't answer. Instead he just stares of into distance. Curious you look behind yourself. Shock is one thing you might have felt at that moment. Before you stood all of your friends and comrades who had fallen. New tears started gathering in your eyes. You scanned their faces, recognising nearly everyone by name. Hanji gave you her signature grin as everyone performed their last salute before their image started to fade into white.
"Levi..." panic evident in your voice. He just shook his head in a silencing manner.
"It's over. Where do you want to go?" his voice surprisingly soft.
A shaky breath escapes your lips before you pull yourself closer to him. He doesn't protest.
"Home. Take..." you inhale sharply, "take me home." And with that you two too disappear into nothingness.
Okay. Okay... I'll write some more...
I have to admit that I'm a bit of a perfectionist, and a clean freak... a short one (though I see myself as of average height) and... I'm fangirling way too often
And I don't bite... not hard anyway. At least not until I have no choice. After all I'm rather sweet and kind person
If I were to describe myself in one word, I'd say: I'm complicated.
And then I'd still add a list of crap about my personality and habits that would make anyone fall asleep in a flash
As of dA, yup, I'm here for so long that I lost count of the years, but... I'm lazy
And I'll say it here too: English is my second language.
Chibi of me thanks to gen8's chibi generator.